Where your life truly begins

Before writing this piece, I have had some days reflecting on different situations and experiences in my life, and my own habits and patterns through out my life. I realized that how easily we devote so much of our energy to understanding other people. Yet the more we analyze them, the further we often drift from ourselves.

There can be all kinds of reasons for why we do focus on others, for some it feels safer, for others it may be something we learned that love have to be earned, we seek certainty, it can be a control mechanism hidden in understanding, or our self identification as the caretaker, or we were never taught selflove so it is easier to think than feel what is going on inside of us.

This is an invitation to turn inward and reconnect with yourself.

Stop Analyzing Them—Start Feeling Yourself

There are people who spend an incredible amount of energy trying to understand others. Why did she say that? Why did he pull away? Why does she never share anything personal? What did she really mean? Is she upset?Are we close? Did I do something wrong? We search for answers because we believe that if we can understand the other person well enough, our inner restlessness will finally settle. But the truth is often quite different.

The more we focus our attention on someone else, the further we drift away from ourselves.

When the Relationship Becomes a Project

Many of us have learned that our value lies in what we can give. We listen. We understand. We help. We solve problems. We hold the relationship together. We carry the difficult conversations. We become the person others turn to when life hurts. It can feel deeply meaningful. Until the day we realize that we no longer know whether people are in our lives because they love us—or because they need us.

That is a painful realization.

Maybe They’re Not the Ones You Need to Understand

Perhaps the question that truly changes everything isn’t: “Why is she like this?”

“Why is she like this?”

But rather than: “How do I feel when I’m with her?” That shifts your attention to a completely different place. Maybe you notice yourself tensing up. Overanalyzing. Trying to figure the relationship out. Constantly searching for signs that tell you where you stand. If that’s the case, it may be time to pause. Not to analyze more.

But to feel.

Your Body Often Knows More Than Your Mind

Maybe you feel light after spending time with certain people. Maybe you feel heavy after being with others. Maybe there are people you can laugh with effortlessly. And others around whom you feel like you’re always working. That information matters.

Because it tells you something about the relationship—but it also tells you something about yourself.

You Don’t Have to Earn Love

If you’ve spent your life believing that your place in relationships depends on how much you give, it can be difficult to believe that you are worthy of love simply for being who you are. So it becomes natural to: help a little more, understand a little more, hold a little more, take responsibility for everyone’s emotions, carry the emotional depth of the relationship. But love that has to be earned will never become a place where you can truly rest. Real intimacy doesn’t happen because one person carries the relationship.

It happens when both people are willing to show up as human beings.

You Don’t Have to Be the Strong One All the Time

Maybe you’re used to being the one with the answers. The one people call. The one who finds solutions. The one who understands the psychology behind everyone’s behavior. But who are you when you don’t have to fix anything?Who are you when you don’t have to be the wise one? When you don’t have to carry everything? When you don’t have to be the one keeping the relationship alive?

Maybe that’s where your life truly begins.

Practice Simply Being

Be with people without feeling the need to perform. Say no without guilt. Allow silence to exist. Share something without feeling you have to justify it. Let other people take responsibility for their own lives. And most importantly… Discover that your worth does not increase by making yourself indispensable. You are valuable because you are human. Not a project. Not a problem solver. Not a therapist. Not the one who always holds everything together. Just a human being. And perhaps that is the greatest freedom of all. To discover that you can be loved, even on the days when you are not giving, helping, or carrying.

To lean back.

Take a deep breath.

And simply be.

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