Going home

When I was 12 years old I was between life and death, I tried to commit suicide because I couldn’t see any light anywhere, my life in my family was so difficult, my mother was mentally ill and an alcoholic and my father had left the home at the absolute worst time. It had been difficult since I was a little, but at 12 years old there had already been some very horrible years.

I was trying to help my little brother and mother, protecting and dealing with dailylife, but it was way too much. So I took a lot of pills and waited to died, I didn’t feel it was a call for help, I just needed relief from my life that suicide became my only and sincere solution. I was found by some classmates who couldn’t understand why I wasn’t at school (I was very dutiful), they found me and I was rushed to the hospital and saved in the last minute. I dont remember anything from being in-between life and death, but since then I recognize so much of what other people are telling after they have went through near death experiences.

Last year I was deeply connected with the whole experience in an ayahuasca ceremony.

I was seconds from being gone for good, its incredible that I didn’t die, a miracle I didn’t die in my attempt, there was so much light around me in my near death moment, there was a whole circle of shamanic Buddhist around me, singing, saying mantras, and keeping my energy system alive in the physical world, keeping me alive, so I didn’t leave for the other world, they were working from the spiritual world and they kept my energy system together until help arrived in the physical world, it was a gift of grace, a karmic gift that I didn’t died, from logical considerations I should have been gone.

After that experience I have had an increased sensitivity, I feel energy very strongly, in weather, in people and animals. Sometimes I feel the two worlds at the same time and spirit have paid me visits over the years (that already started when I was a small child). I get information in advance and see auras. Before my suicide attempt I was so young and not very materialistic, life was so messy at home that my focus was elsewhere, but after my suicide Im for sure non-materialistic. Spirituality and deep connections are very important for me and as much alonetime I can get.

Pain and suffering is awakening, it is part of becoming conscious, aware, it’s a tool for you. What have you learned in this life? When you are in your soul and you love something you become one with it, one …one…love, compassion, consciousness, we are one..

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