When you throw a stone in to the water, everything stir up, perhaps it gets muddy, and you have to wait for the stone to go to the bottom, and then the water becomes clear again.
If you feel you always have had a lot of difficulties and struggles in life, it could be either your birth have been difficult or your mother had a difficult time during the pregnancy or birth and you have inherit the hardship, pain and fear, which plays out in your life. It could also be something running in your lineage, we carry wounds….
In my last ayahuasca retreat in December, I had a profound experience of myself from a baby until adult, understanding where all the struggles and hardships came from…both from my mother, which was in a big grieving period when she got pregnant with me, because she lost the baby a month before he was supposed to be born. Shortly after I was conceived (the advice of the doctor, have a baby quickly, it will solve the grief).
I felt in my ayahuasca retreat how that advice had impacted my life deeply. And how much support, love and understanding I have needed, I am sure I was loved but there was no life energy in my mother, and as babies and children we need being surrounded by life energy so we are able to trust and have faith in life.
In the session my shaman wrapped be in her shawl and cradled me for hours like a mother and her baby, it was like I underwent decades of grief and at the same time received all what I needed in those life periods from my shaman. All our feelings are welcome, sadness, grief, anger, shame and so much more.
We carry with us traumas, stories and pain traveling through our lineage. If you dare to explore and heal the unseen of your family, meet yourself and the unseen parts, love them and love yourself, take your time…there is no need of hiding away anything from yourself, you need you.
Sometimes we need many rounds with the same wounds and traumas, and are staying in the survival mode, but one day we are at peace with it. We do this work to return to ourself, we do it to be able to love and share love, it is very brave to feel the unseen parts of ourself, to feel vulnerable and no matter how conscious your mind is, there will be parts of you who haven’t grown to that conscious level, it is okay, show yourself compassion and love…
Which place are you in?
Perhaps you grew up in a dysfunctional home or have experienced a lot of difficulties in life, traumas, heartache, pain and struggles you will need to tell yourself and especially your thoughts and thought patterns that life can be good, it can be gentle, loving, full of good people, where you feel safe and experience…
Gentle reminder
To live your life now, go after what you are longing and dreaming about, it doesn’t have to be the big things, it’s more a matter of being you. I have an old father with dementia and spending time with him reminds me to live now. His fading memory comes in waves, sometimes I think…
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