The silence in the tent

Fear of being seen has not so much to do with exposing oneself to every situation being out of your comfort zone, but I want to look at it from another angle. In a natural state of Being we dare to be ourself all the time. The opposite is showing the world what we think they want to see and to meet other peoples expectations, needs, feelings, words, helping them, over your own needs.

The discomfort lays in the space between knowing you are not you and the place where you are you. The proces starts with letting go of fear, or at least having courage to overcome your fear.

Being you, daring to be seen, you will have to face boundaries, saying no, letting go of people and situations, expressing who you truly are, and face fear of not being loved, accepted, understood, being different from some in our environment. It can feel very uncomfortable and we believe it has to do with other people, but most of the proces of becoming who we are and being seen for the one we are, is our own limiting beliefs.

Tune in and value what is within and what has been with you the whole time. Declutter your inner and outer roles in life, especially the ones that is no longer in alignment with your values, your intuition, who you are, and make space for what you love.

From a personal experience on the path you will let go of or loose relationships, dynamics, thought patterns and feelings which may have been your friend for a long time, remember we dont need to be understood, admired, remembered by anyone, dont wait for people to contact you or choose you, if people dont see you they dont, dont explain yourself, we cannot control other peoples perception of us and their judgement of us are theirs, its better to accept and move on, most things in their world are their personal history playing out roles, misunderstandings, views on people, we play roles in other peoples plays reminding them of their pain, struggles and confusions, help yourself and them remembering who they are, perhaps they start to remember themselves.

Work on appreciating yourself, who you have become because of your experiences, how you have managed to deal with it, you dont have to “deserve” to feel good, start to respect yourself by letting go of other peoples weight, we carry so much from other people.

Many years ago I was in a monthlong silent meditation retreat in the south of France close to Limoges. We were in a huge tent, with open walls, so we could have some fresh air in the warm French summer. It was long days, with a lot of confrontation with ego, and the need of entertainment, avoidance and habitual patterns.

One day when I was sitting on my cushion meditating a little bird entered the tent space and went straight up under the roof, it probably thought it was able to fly out this way. Immediately I felt a need of helping the little bird, and did some signs to some of my fellow meditators that we should help the little bird, I was half starting to stand up at my cushion when I saw my meditation instructor raising his eyebrows at me, asking me with his eyes to sit down and do nothing. That was a really tough task to be asked, because I felt if we didn’t help the little bird it would never get out of the tent.

The bird was of course panicked and chirped loudly, more or less the same feelings I had inside of me, stress, drama, inner turmoil and the bird tried to escape over many attempts without luck. After a while I heard a bird from the outside chirping, and my concern raised even more, what if the other bird also went inside the tent, then we would have two birds trapped. I felt terrible sitting there just watching, (I was not meditating or focused on myself at all), I was taking part of and seeing a whole drama unfolding and wanted so badly to help. The other little bird which now was inside the tent, flew outside the tent next to the rolled up tent walls, and I prayed that it wouldn’t get inside again….imagine sitting there 65 people meditating, two birds chirping loudly in the tent, and not doing anything, it was terrible.

The new bird went inside and flew of course to the roof top next to the first bird, what a mess and drama in me, the second bird went in and out again, it actually went in and out several times, before I realized it was helping the first bird showing it how to get out…the third time they both went out and I was relieved.

The silence in the tent was immense. But my inside was a mess, I felt the drama inside of me, the basic need of helping and being asked not to, I felt ashamed and confused about myself because I was in the middle of facing a longterm role I had been acting out since I was a little child, my deep-rooted helper role…

My teacher was helping me in that moment to understand that things will work out one way or another, we dont have to help every time there is something. I saw my own pattern, and I felt uneasy, because who was I if I couldn’t help other people? Over the years I have understood more and more about myself through this experience and have been going back to that day, trying to understand how my role have been playing out in my life.

We are not responsible for other people in general (we have responsibilities for our children and those in need), but we dont have to help to avoid conflicts. Helping can also be a way of not being you because you have learned you only are valued through help. Your helper role moves you further away from knowing yourself and your own needs. Perhaps you are the peacekeeper in the family and the one expressing all the emotions for all familymembers, especially all the unsaid emotions.

Helping others are not the problem, because I think helping comes from a good place, the problem is we were not taught to help ourself, to understand, see, value our own needs, and understanding that the need of helping others is often a good sign of, that we care a lot for other people, but it can be a problem and a tough road to learn to keep a balance, offering ourself the same empathy, support, love and attention we do for others.

Learning to keep your boundaries and saying no, getting in contact with our body and intuition is a strong connection with your inner self and it creates enough energy for yourself. That day with the bird in the tent, I was faced with a hard truth and I was not able to run away with my helping role, and that felt awful, my helping pattern was the same as receiving love, an identity, a pattern…

We cannot fix broken parents (a patterns we often experience when we grow up and meet our partners). When we avoid something we prolong our own suffering, experiencing unhealthy behaviors from others instead of helping them the whole time, try to understand they are showing us how they deep down are feeling about themselves and how little self aware they are.

Choose you, and your own needs and inspire other people to grow and become self aware. Understanding why you react the way you do. Patterns you are repeating, or what you dont want other people to see, working on them is growth. The more you face all those difficult, hidden, protected areas within, your light will become stronger…

My little bird experience has been an ongoing giving gift in my life, reminding me to see when I enter the helper role and to take more care of myself.

Its a journey…remember if something is draining you, you are out of alignment, if it makes you feel uplifted it is the right path.

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