When I was 12 years old I was between life and death, I tried to commit suicide because I couldn’t see any light anywhere, my life in my family was so difficult, my mother was mentally ill and an alcoholic and my father had left the home at the absolute worst time. It had been difficult since I was a little, but at 12 years old there had already been some very horrible years.
I was trying to help my little brother and mother, protecting and dealing with dailylife, but it was way too much. So I took a lot of pills and waited to died, I didn’t feel it was a call for help, I just needed relief from my life that suicide became my only and sincere solution. I was found by some classmates who couldn’t understand why I wasn’t at school (I was very dutiful), they found me and I was rushed to the hospital and saved in the last minute. I dont remember anything from being in-between life and death, but since then I recognize so much of what other people are telling after they have went through near death experiences.
Last year I was deeply connected with the whole experience in an ayahuasca ceremony.
I was seconds from being gone for good, its incredible that I didn’t die, a miracle I didn’t die in my attempt, there was so much light around me in my near death moment, there was a whole circle of shamanic Buddhist around me, singing, saying mantras, and keeping my energy system alive in the physical world, keeping me alive, so I didn’t leave for the other world, they were working from the spiritual world and they kept my energy system together until help arrived in the physical world, it was a gift of grace, a karmic gift that I didn’t died, from logical considerations I should have been gone.
After that experience I have had an increased sensitivity, I feel energy very strongly, in weather, in people and animals. Sometimes I feel the two worlds at the same time and spirit have paid me visits over the years (that already started when I was a small child). I get information in advance and see auras. Before my suicide attempt I was so young and not very materialistic, life was so messy at home that my focus was elsewhere, but after my suicide Im for sure non-materialistic. Spirituality and deep connections are very important for me and as much alonetime I can get.
Pain and suffering is awakening, it is part of becoming conscious, aware, it’s a tool for you. What have you learned in this life? When you are in your soul and you love something you become one with it, one …one…love, compassion, consciousness, we are one..
simple
this time of the year, warm colors, soft soil, plenty of fish, berries, reindeers, crisp air, winter is watching from a distance, welly time, filling up freezer, Mother Earth is generous, animals and people collecting in nature… people and traditions, not surrounded by this, these years, but my body remembers the season, the traditions, proudly…
you are enough
waiting, watching, connecting to a wellknown universe – you are sacred every moment in whatever you do and are, thinking it has to be in a certain way, ceremonially or a specific place, let go of that, every moment is our medicine, awaken, alive, in our heart there is nothing to do or be or…
uncertain
the uncomfortable feeling of being in-between the one I was and the one Im becoming expanding, stretching, shedding, evolving, less of the old – more of the new some days slow and silent, other days fast and loud, some something else there is no ready, just expression and allowing free your energy all of you…
INUA 